Welcome to the Mental Note Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Dr. Durrell R. Pulley. Here on the Mental Note Podcast we provide practical tips for mental wellness so that you can live a holistically healthy, balanced and well rounded Life.

Again, I’m Dr. Durar R. Pulley and I am a minister and a mental health professional. Here we marry psychology and theology so that we can speak to the whole person, spirit, soul and body. We have various guests that come and talk to us about their journey on this wholeness path.

And today I’m going to be talking to you about change. Yes, I’m going to be talking to you about change and how that is so important as it relates to life and as it relates to counseling. And so again, this is the Mental Note Podcast.

So glad to be with you today with wherever you’re listening from. We welcome you to listen and to share this podcast with other people as well. Now, when people come to counseling, they come to counseling for one to two reasons.

And you say, oh my God. People go to counseling for all kinds of reasons, for physical, mental, emotional, financial, vocational, relational challenges. What do you mean? People only come to counseling for two reasons.

What I’m saying is that all the reasons why people come to counseling is for one of two reasons, either to cope or to change. When people come to counseling to cope, they have accepted that the situation that they are in, it’s not going to change. So I need to cope with it.

I need to learn healthy strategies to be able to deal with something that is not going to change. It takes us all the way back to the Serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity, the peace, the calm, to accept the things that I cannot change.

And I add my little piece in there, other people, the courage to change the things that I can, and I add my little piece in there myself and the wisdom to know the difference. So when people are coming to counseling, when they are working with a mental health professional, whether it is a counselor, a therapist, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a social worker, they’re either coming to cope with the situation that they can’t change because there are other people that are involved, other factors
that are involved over which they have little or no control, or they’re coming to counseling to change, to change something about themselves. And so again, people come to counseling for one of two reasons, either to cope with people in situations that they cannot change, or to work on themselves, which they can change.

And peace is accepting those people, places and things that you cannot change. Serenity is accepting those people, places and Things that you cannot change. And courage is accepting what you can change, which is yourself.

The one thing that you can change, the one person that you can change is yourself. You can change. And that is our topic for today.

You can change. And one of the biggest challenges to people changing is believing that they can. Again, one of the greatest challenges to people changing is believing that they can change.

Many times people believe that they are fixed entities and they cannot change either because of hereditary things, things that they’ve learned in the environment. They are the old nature, nurture controversy, that this is just my nature, or this is how I was nurtured. So I can’t change.

But today, on today’s podcast, the goal is to open up your heart and to open up your mind to the possibility that you can change, to open up your heart and your mind to this idea that I can change. Why don’t you say that? Wherever you are, repeat those words. I can change can change.

Different from a chair. That is a chair. That will always be a chair.

You are a person, and you can change. Different from a table that is a fixed entity. It is a table.

You can change. You are a person. You are a human being, and you have the wherewithal within yourself to change.

Change is possible for you. No matter how long you’ve been doing what you’ve been doing, you can change. No matter how long you’ve been speaking the way that you’ve been speaking, you can change.

No matter how long you’ve had that attitude or that challenge, you can change. And maybe you even got a diagnosis or a prognosis, you can still change. All things are possible.

So the greatest challenge to changing is believing that you can change. Many people feel, well, you know, people just don’t change. You know, they make adjustments here and there, but people are fixed and they’re set, and they just cannot change.

You can’t change them. But if they desire to change themselves, they can change. And if you desire to change yourself, you can change.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had the habit. It does not matter how long you’ve been doing it that particular way, you can change. And the one thing in life that is constant is change.

The one thing in life that is consistent is change. And so this podcast today is talking about change. And one of the greatest challenges to change is you having faith in yourself, believing that you can change, really believing in yourself and knowing that you have the power within you, the strength, the fortitude.

You have what it takes inside of you to be able to Change any way of being, your energy, your aura. You have the power to change your way of seeing how you’re looking at people, places and things. You have the power to change how you are thinking about things.

You have the power to change how you are speaking about things. And you have the power to change your behaviors, your actions, your deeds. That you can shift your energy through meditation, through mindfulness and breathing, where when people come in contact with you, they feel peace, they feel comfortable.

You can change your perspective of the situation where no longer do you see the glass half empty. No longer do you see your life empty, but you see it full and overflowing. You can change.

You can change your thoughts. If you change your thinking, you will change your experience. If you change your mind, you will change your life.

Invite yourself to say, there’s another way to think about this. What is the highest thought that I can think about? Myself. What is the highest thought that I can think about this person, about this place, about this situation? Challenge yourself to think differently.

And maybe you got some negative speech patterns where you call yourself names and you get on yourself and say, oh, I’m dumb. Oh, I’m stupid. That was so dumb.

That was so stupid. I’m inviting you to change and say that wasn’t the highest and best way to do that. But I learned something from that experience.

And I’m not going to speak negative about myself. There’s no way that you can speak negative about yourself and operate in positive energy. And so if you desire positive things to happen in your life, you’ve got to speak positive words about yourself.

Affirm and do some of that mirror work. That’s one of the strategies that we use in counseling, is to have people look in the mirror sometime. It’s in your birthday suit.

To look at yourself and to affirm yourself, to speak positive words about yourself. I am handsome. I am pretty.

I am intelligent. I am smart. I am creative.

To speak those positive words about yourself so that you can change how you are experiencing yourself and your life. You can change your behaviors. You can break old patterns and old habits.

Yes, you can challenge yourself to change anything in your life about yourself that you don’t like, you can. Change may be challenging, but guess what? You still can change. Now, a lot of people are in the Lenten season where people are observing Lent.

They’re in a period of time where they are changing. Maybe what they’re eating, what they’re drinking, some of their habits, maybe reducing social media and finding more positive things to do and more positive things to Eat. Eating more fruits and vegetables, drinking less coffee and soda and drinking more water.

And instead of scrolling on social media for so long, long. But to really spend more quality time with family and friends. This is a time where a lot of people all over the earth are reflecting on their lives, looking at their lives, and saying, is there something in my life that I desire to change? Because the beauty about us being humans is that we can change.

And in our consciousness, in our subconscious, we. We have these erroneous ideas, limiting beliefs and faulty perceptions that keep us from changing. Some of us say, well, you know, a zebra will never change their stripes.

You’re not a zebra. You are a human being. You can change.

Well, you know, a leper never changed its spots. You’re not a leopard. You are a human being.

You can change. Well, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You’re not a dog.

You’re not a female dog. You’re not an old dog. You are a human being.

You have the power to change. So release and let go of this idea that you are a zebra with stripes. Let go of that thought that you are a leopard with spots or old dog, female dog, trying to learn new tricks.

You are not an animal. Just like I said, you weren’t a table or a chair, a fixed entity. You are not an animal.

You are a human being. And you have the power to change yourself. And all the energy that you’re putting into trying to change other people and situations and circumstances, let’s invest that energy in changing ourselves.

So once we know that change is possible because we’re not chairs and t. Once we know that change is possible because we’re not zebras and dogs and leopards, how long does it really take to change a old habit and start a new one? Some people say it takes 21 days, about three weeks to break a old behavior, a pattern, a habit. Some people say it takes a month, about 30 days in order to change a habit.

Other people in research say it takes about 40 days to break an old habit and to really start a new one. So whether it’s 21 days, 30 days, 40 days, the fact is, change often takes time. You can change through patience.

Love is patient and love is kind. When you are patient with yourself, you can change. It’s not going to happen overnight.

It’s not like you’re just going to be able to rub a genie and a genie is going to pop out and poof, you’re going to change. There’s no magic wand that’s going to be Waved that you’re just going to wake up and you’re going to be changed. It’s going to take time, it’s going to take patience with yourself to change whatever it is about yourself that you desire to change.

Maybe you’ve been smoking and you feel like that smoking is not good for your health. You can change that. Maybe you’ve been drinking too much and you’re seeing the effects of alcohol in your life.

You can change it. Maybe you have been using overusing prescription drugs or maybe you’ve been in illegal drugs and you see the adverse impact that it’s having on your life and you’re not reaching your goals and pursuing your dreams and fulfilling your a mission and your vision because you’ve been distracted by drugs or alcohol. Maybe it’s sex.

Maybe you’ve gotten caught up in porn and pornography and you’re used to watching porn every day and getting off on it. You can change. Maybe it’s that shopping thing where, you know, you see things online that are advertised and every day or every other day you got a delivery coming from somewhere and you realize that your finances are out of control, that you are not budgeting properly.

Maybe you’re getting cut off notices, maybe you are getting information that says your stocks and your bonds and your mutual funds and your account is going down because you’re overspending. You can change. Maybe you’ve been at the slot machines too much at the Russian roulette table and you’ve been spending too much money gambling.

Guess what? You can change. There is no habit, no behavior that you are engaged in that you cannot change. You had the power, you had the wherewithal within yourself to be able to change anything about yourself that you don’t like, anything that’s not yielding.

You think about it like a harvest and you sow seeds. So your life is like a harvest and you are investing seeds. Your seeds are your time.

Your seeds are your talents. Your seeds are your treasure or your money. I gave you three T’s.

Your seeds are your time. Your seeds are your talents, your seeds are your treasures. And so you’ve been putting time, talent and treasure money into this particular behavior, activity, substance.

And it’s been yielding you a harvest. You’ve been getting something in return for what it is that you have invested in. And if you don’t like your life, if you don’t like the way that you are showing up in life, you can change.

We learned that it may take some time, it may take some energy, you may have to put forth Some effort. But guess what? You can change. You can do it.

I believe in you. I’m a witness that you can change. I remember when I was diagnosed with diabetes and I needed to change my diet.

And I started with cutting up okra and water and making okra water, and it was nasty. Oh, my God, it was so disgusting. But that helped.

I started putting cinnamon on things and that helped. I was using flaxseed oil and eating more fruits and vegetables, and all those things helped. But one of the things I really had to change was portion control.

That I was giving my body too much of the starts starches. I was giving my body too much of the sweets and the desserts. And so what I needed to do, what was helpful for me to change, is to start cutting my portions in half to realize, oh, my goodness, this is way too much food.

Instead of eating off of a plate, I started eating off a saucer. What could fit on that saucer is what I was able to eat. And so I started cutting my portions in half.

Even when I went out to a restaurant, I would say, oh, that’s way too much food. And I would say, can I have a doggy bag? Can I have a to go container? And cut half of it in half before I even started eating. And so that was a change.

And even though I’ve been raised all my life, clear your plate. Don’t leave anything left on your plate. My mother used to say, if you don’t eat all your food, you are not being appreciative.

What about those starving children in Cambodia that you were showing your appreciation by cleaning your plate and eating all your food? So whether I was full or not, I ate all of it, because that’s what I was taught. And even though I had been doing that for 40 years, guess what I did? I changed. I changed my thought about food.

That food wasn’t something to do when you got bored. That food wasn’t something for me to do when I was lonely. That food was not to be just eaten unconsciously in front of the television.

And I started paying more attention to what I was eating when I was eating, where I was eating, how much I was eating, why I was eating and what was eating at me. And when I started being conscious of what I was doing, I started making changes, incremental changes with my eating. And I was able to get those diabetes down, those diabetes numbers down.

And I was able to take control of my life, and I started exercising. And all of these changes that I made because I believed that I was able to change. I did not desire to be taking medication for the rest of my life.

So I decided to make some lifestyle changes with my diet, with my beverages, with exercise, so that I could be a better version of myself, so that I was able to live a better life. I was able to change. I had to let go of that belief that it was being ungrateful and learn to pay attention to my stomach.

And if my stomach said, boom, that’s enough, guess what? I started listening to it and paying attention. Even though it was different than anything I had ever done in my whole life, guess what? I changed. And the same way I was able to change and bring those diabetes numbers under control, the same way I was able to change my attitude towards food.

That food was fuel. The same way I was able to change and integrate exercise into my life. Guess what? You can change.

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Thank you so much for continuing with us on the Mental Note podcast. Let us pick up our discussion so people come to counseling to cope or to change. One of the biggest challenges to changing is believing that you can.

It takes time to change. Whether it’s 21 days, 30 days, or 40 days, it takes time to change. It takes courage to accept that I can’t change anybody else but myself.

And I’m a part of a system. So when you change one part of the system, the entire system changes. And you say, well, I tried to change and it didn’t work.

I did this and it didn’t last. I’m back to where I was before. Well, let me give you some strategies today, some practical tips to help you make a change and maintain that change.

That’s right. It’s not just about making the change, but it’s also maintaining the change. So the first part of maintaining or making a change, that’s really going to last, because you know how it is, people make New Year’s resolutions in the beginning of the Year and often before January is over, they have abandoned those New Year’s resolutions because I believe that the proper tools and strategies that were necessary to maintain that change were not done in the beginning.

So if there’s something that you desire to change in your life, knowing that you had the power to make that change, how do you do it? How do you make a change and maintain a change despite adverse circumstances, Right. Challenges that happen, how do you make a change and sustain it? How do you make a change and maintain it? Well, number one, a change requires planning, and this is mental work. Before you start trying to do this and do that and say you’re going to do this and say you’re going to do
that, let the planning for the change start in your mind, where you start thinking about it.

Let it start in your heart, where you start feeling about it. That the mental and emotional work is work towards the change. When you’re thinking about it, that’s a part of the change process.

When you are feeling about it and imagining it. What my life is going to be like with this change, when you start envisioning it and visualizing it, you have already started the change process. So the first part of making and maintaining a change is planning.

And this is internal planning in your mind and in your heart that you look at all the obstacles and challenges and you overcome them in your mind first, you look at all of the hurdles you’re going to have to jump over, and you work with it in your mind first. In your mind, which is your thinking, and in your heart, which is your feeling. It starts internal, internal planning in your heart and your mind.

Change does not start outside of you. It starts inside of you. Change is maintained and sustained.

When it goes from the inside out, the change starts in your mind and how you’re thinking, the change starts in your heart and how you’re feeling. So the first step to making and maintaining a change is to plan, and that is internal planning. All right? The second part of making and maintaining a change is preparation.

So just like the planning was in your mind and in your heart, internal, the preparation is external. If you’re going to start exercising, let’s get the gym shoes that you need. Let’s get the, the, the gloves that you need to put on your hands.

Let’s get the workout clothes, let’s get the water bottle, let’s get all. Let’s start preparing and doing all the physical things that you need to do to take what you have in your mind and start manifesting it in your life. Everything is created twice.

First in your mind internally and then in manifestation externally. Let me say that again. It starts first in your mind, internally, in your heart.

And you need to feel about that change, you need to think about that change. And then you start doing the preparation again. We haven’t changed anything yet.

The biggest part of it is the mental planning, emotional planning internally. The second part is the physical preparation for that particular change. Getting it set up, getting.

Setting yourself up for success with this change. Having everything that you need in order to make this change so you don’t have any excuses, that you remove those obstacles and those roadblocks out the way before you even get started. And the third P, I hope you notice that we’re on P’s in order to maintain and sustain change.

It starts with planning internal, then preparing external, and then the third part of making and sustaining change is that you get a partner. That’s right. I said it.

People are most successful with change when they’re not doing it by themselves. Two are better than one. When you have somebody else that is in agreement with you about the change and maybe they’ve already made the change, or maybe they’re making the change with you that y’ all are doing it simultaneously.

When you have a partner, another person who is in agreement with you about this change and supporting you with the change, it helps that change to happen and for it to be sustained. It helps you to make the change and to maintain the change. Because you got a partner, you got support that when you don’t feel like going to the gym, they call you say, hey, you know, we supposed to go to the gym today.

When you’re sitting there, you’re getting ready to have that second piece of cake, they say, hey, I thought you were going to half the cake. I’ll take half of it. You take half of it.

You need a partner. That’s why in school we had study buddies, because the teachers knew that we were more successful when we had a partner. That’s why we have mentors and coaches, because people are more successful when they have somebody partnering with them.

That’s why we have counselors and therapists. Because people are more successful with change. Because, let me tell you, sometimes we don’t want to change, Sometimes we give up in the middle of the change process.

But that partner, that coach, that therapist, that study buddy, that sponsor is going to help you make and maintain the change because you’re not by yourself. Right now I’m working on getting a six pack and I hired a trainer because when I don’t feel like lifting those weights. And I was like, they said, come on, you can do it.

Give me one more round. Okay. They help me, they encourage me and to support me, to keep moving forward when I don’t feel like doing it.

And so in order to make and maintain change, you got to plan internal, your mind and your heart. In order to make and maintain change, you got to prepare physically, getting everything that you need to be successful. In order to make and maintain change, it is important that you partner with another person.

When you partner with another person, you multiply the energy and you all are working together. You are in partnership, collaboration, teamwork, networking for your success, for the change to happen, because the two of you are working together. And if you don’t feel like doing it, they encourage you.

And if they don’t feel like doing it, you encourage them that you’re not by yourself in it, that there’s someone else that’s holding the consciousness with you of this change. There’s somebody else that’s supporting you and putting out those good vibes and that positive energy toward that change. So if you desire to make the change and maintain it, make sure you get somebody to help you.

That means you can’t keep the change to yourself. You got to share it with somebody else and get someone to agree. If two of you agree about anything, it’s going to happen because you multiply the energy, you multiply the success.

And so I’m reminding you today on this Mental Note podcast that you can change. And I’ve given you the steps, I’ve given you the stages, I’ve given you some strategies to be able to help you to make a positive change and to maintain a positive change. Again, this is Dr. Pulley with your Mental Note.

I came to put something on your mind to give you something to think about, something to pull apart and something to bring back together to give you practical tips and strategies to help you live a holistically healthy, balanced and well rounded life. Well, I did it today, but we got some powerful guests that are scheduled to share with us and so maybe like quarterly, I’ll come back and just talk to you one on one, just me and you. And then those other months we’ll have a guest and I’m telling you
we’ve got some powerful guests lined up to help give you some tips and to share their stories.

So keep listening to this podcast. Share it with somebody else. Don’t be selfish, Share it with somebody else.

Share what you learned, share what you heard and encourage someone else that they can change too, Sam.